In my twenties, running as fast and hard as I could seemed like the best way to ensure I was climbing my ambition in the right direction. But now, more than ten years past my college graduation...I'm seriously assessing the cost of such behavior and asking myself, What do I pay for in mental fragility, depletion of emotional reserves, temper with my kids, and closeness with…
My dear little one, Every month you inch farther away from “little” and closer to “big.” Now you are two years old. Big brown eyes, mouth that laughs readily, fingers that point and poke and touch, hands that clap and nestle inside of mine while we walk together. I’ve watched you learn your first words. I’ve seen you glow with pride as you identity the “moo”…
Remember when I wrote that post about emerging from a dark Cave and discussed the process of cradling my newborn son while I groped my way back to the outside world? That little son is almost one year old now. And he’s teaching me all sorts of stuff. I’m learning how to be more patient, tender, and detailed in caring for him than I have ever had…
I love to make everyone happy. Now I reread that sentence and mentally insert “which is impossible” to the end of it. That’s the only way the sentence can be consistently true. I strive for the impossible. I love my family and friends passionately. I am an active member of my communities. And yet it’s delusional to tell myself that I can satisfy every social expectation…
Safety. Somewhere to fall back on if everything else is blown to pieces. The bunker where we re-charge our life force, restock ammunition, and recalibrate strategy. Checkpoints. Video games place these at intervals throughout each level. As long as we can drag our butts to a checkpoint, we can save our progress. That way, if the alien invaders or the radioactive zombies attack, maim, and murder…
December. My baby’s four month anniversary. Christmas rush. Maternal exhaustion. Guilt has no place here. It’s really the last thing I need. Outside my home, the frost sheaths the brave blades of grass that raise their heads. Inside my home, Christmas lights offer no warmth as I weep and share two huge, aching desires in my heart: to be a mother to my beautiful son and…
“For gosh sakes, treat them better than they deserve! Who would ever escape misery, otherwise?” -Hamlet (liberally paraphrased by Elise Stephens) I have begun the most demanding creative project of my life. Growing a little human being inside of me is a harrowing, mystical, and unparalleled experience. I am a mother. I will raise another life to the light. I am flat on my back,…